oh wow man
by catmagnent
Summary: Cheech and Chong meet up with dracula. How will the stoner pair fair against this blood sucker. LOL FIND OUT.


i own nothing of dracula or cheech and chong. they are left to their own devices.

lets get stoned again man. said a groggy chong as he woke up from a high induced nap.

nah lets go do something else man. like explore the lands of the east. who knows we might even find some good shit there. said cheech half seriously and half high.

ok man. lets go have a look see. said chong in his best serious face.

the pair booked a flight to the east. they landed in china. and grabbed a taxi to go sight seeing. oh wow man check it out...its a stone dragon dog thing. it looks kinda angry. maybe we should get it stoned..again. giggled a still high chong.

nah. why waste a good doobie on some dumb statue. lets go someplace else and have fun. lets find some good stoner drugs man. the chinese is supposed to have some good strong shit. by now cheech was sobering up and didnt like the sensation.

so the stoner pair went in search of some chinese weed. they went to a shop where the man behind the counter was smoking a rather large and powerful doobie doo. where did you get that big thing man..we want like a bunch of them.

yeah man give some love to the bros. so the little chinese guy nodded. then he went to the back room. moments later he came out with a shoulder bag full of the rolled doobies of high times.

here you go. now you have love too. now go away. muttered the shop owner.

cheech and chong took the bag of doobies and left happy.

while smoking a doobie in the cab cheech and chong saw a travel poster in a window and stopped the cab to go read it.

do you want to see someplace diffrent..

do you want to see a huge castle..

and how about a living legend..count dracula himself.

if any of this sounds interesting just go inside and book a flight to sunny transylvania.

hey lets do this man. said chong haphazardly staggering.

oh sure and see dracula too. and hear him go around saying i vant to suck your blood waaahhh blah bluh blah.

cheech and chong laughed so hard. then went into the travel agency and booked a flight to sunny transylvania.

when the pair landed at the transylvanian airport hair center and blood care. lol

they were met by their driver who looked like he had just crawled out of a pickle jar full of brine and weed. and smelled like a trunk from an old ass house.

im your driver today gentlemen. right this way please. the man motioned with his hand to follow him to their taxi cab. my name is shlovenski. and ive been in the taxi service since 1942.

oh wow. youre ancient then arent you. cheech said nonchalantly.

i wouldnt say ancient man..uh more like really old dude. said a really stoned chong.

their driver chuckled and started the taxi and drove away into the light of darkness.

the pair of stoners finished off one doobie by the time they arrived at their destination. castle dracula. oh wow man check out the new house. said chong.

yeah looks spooky kinda creepy. replied cheech nervously.

your host will greet you momentairily. in the meantime gentlemen i suggest you say your prayers and put on these cross necklaces. for the dead travel fast and stop at almost nothing to get what they want. said shlovenski seriously.

oh okay man. whatever you said. but oh wow new house. maybe the former owners were stoners and left some stash behind. lets go check it out man come on. said cheech to chong.

shlovenski hung his head in dispair. those poor suckers are going to die today.

the pair ran into the castle and up the stairs they went.

dude check it out i found it. i found the stash. and oh boy it smells like it has fermented good. said cheech excitedly.

nothing i like better than some good strong shit. lets roll a couple and smoke it slow. said chong.

so they rolled a couple of nice doobies and lit them up. and a couple of minutes later they were higher than the moon.

completely unaware of the danger lurking out in the hallway..our two stoners were living on the far out high side of life. and doing it one doobie and horn of plenty at a time.

just then their bedroom door opened and in stepped a tall dark man in a tuxedo and high collar cape.

forgive me for not knocking but i didnt hear anyone in here.

why are you two here in my home. and why are you smoking that shit in my home. asked the tall guy in the tux.

well man we were dropped off here to see this place and maybe buy it. its gonna be a great place to throw some stoner parties. laughed cheech and chong hysterically.

i see. well then gentlemen when you have come down off the high..dinner will be served at six o clock tonight. good day sirs. and with that dracula turned and walked out.

and by six that night the stoners were hungry to the point of being ravenous. they made their way down to the dining hall and saw the feast spread out on the table.

score on the eats man. lets pig out. said chong.

as the two ate and drank until they had passed out drunk and still stoned but now full..dracula was coming to feast. and just as dracula approached chong first to bite him and drain his blood..chong reached out and took hold of dracula and kissed him then mumbled i love you man. and then let loose his hold on dracula.

next he tried cheech. but the round man rolled over and farted and gross sloppy nasty fart.

dracula decided he will try later. no . he thought it best to separate the two. better chances that way.

later. much later.

the pair woke up and decided to go explore the castle and agreed not to get stoned with out the other.

as the two explored the castles every room and open area..dracula wasnt far behind them. he started with chong first.

no mortal gets away with kissing me and telling me that they love me. thought dracula angrily.

chong saw dracula following him around. and then confronted him about the decor of the rooms. dracula stared at chong and said you are under my power. you will obey me.

uh uh uh oookay man. whatever you say. said chong.

dracula commanded chong to lay his head to one side and prepare to die.

well do i get a pillow for my head. i have a really tender head man. said chong.

no. barked dracula. im going to kill you now.

then dracula bit chongs neck and half drained the stoners blood.

and now you will change into a vampire. said dracula.

oh wow man. cool. said chong.

cheech was next on draculas list.

now the gassy man dies today. said dracula to himself.

dracula quickly located cheech. he was down in the dungeon area still farting loudly and grossly as ever.

now you die. gas bag. dracula muttered.

hey there you are man. been looking for you all over. got some questions about the rooms here. any chance we could renovate them to make it nicer. more homely man.

dracula tried to put cheech under his spell of doom. but it didnt work.

cheech told dracula that hypnotism dont work on him. because he has bad eyes. thats why he does so much weed. he sees better when hes stoned.

so dracula let him smoke a couple of doobies. and sure enough dracula got fucked up on the shit too.

cheech got really high and so did dracula. and both of them realised they had the munchies. dracula was laughing and so was cheech. and both forgot about the other and cheech went downstairs and began to eat again. while dracula feasted on rare steak. chong however had transformed into a vampire. and didnt crave blood.

instead he craved weed. man.


End file.
